The Braves are hotter than a two dollar pistol

First and foremost, CHOP THE HELL ON! God, I just had to say that. I’m on cloud 9 right now with how my Bravos have been playing this beautiful game of baseball. From taking big daddy hacks at the plate and hitting balls into the stratosphere, to our pitchers striking out these pathetic excuses of major league hitters as if they’ve never swung a baseball bat in their entire lives, there’s no denying that we are clearly the best baseball team to ever step on the diamond. Okay, maybe I’m stretching that a bit much, but I’m only saying what everybody else is thinking when it comes to how we’ve recently been playing.

Unlike my Bonfire Sports colleague, Payton Mullins, whose Reds couldn’t play dead in a John Wayne western, my Braves have actually been the hottest team in baseball. Now call me biased (in which I’m 100% being) but the Braves have been tearing up the month of June unlike any other team in the league. Please, just hear me out and you tell me if I’m filling you full of shit.

Since beginning a three game series with the Detroit Tigers starting on May31st (which we won btw) the Braves have won 20 of their last 26 games. Let me say that again, TWENTY OF THEIR LAST TWENTY SIX GAMES! People, that’s a 77% winning percentage in that span of games. And yes I did that math correctly, so if you don’t believe me then fact check me, bitch. Anyways, I keep telling myself that we are just on a hot streak, but I’m truly beginning to think that we are just this good and it’s just taken some time for everyone to shake the rust off and get into the groove of things.

Not only have we won a shit ton of games in that span of 26 games, we have also taken the division of the NL East. Who did we take it from you might ask? None other than those those bum ass Phillies, in which we are up on those bum asses by 4.5 games for now. It gets even better people, with a marvelous record of 48-34 thus far, we now have the 2nd best record in all of the national league just behind the Dodgers who are 55-27 (Jesus Christ I know). But if you want me to tell you something that really gets me harder than a virgin wedding dick, is that we have the 5th best record in the entire MLB. Let that sink in, because I don’t know if I truly can.

The key question is can the Braves keep it up? Well, I wish I could say we will keep this unrealistic winning percentage up for the rest of the year, but me and you both know that’s probably not going to happen. There are still three months of the regular season left to play and a bunch of shit can happen. However, I don’t think it’s unrealistic to say that they can consistently win games, win the division, clinch a playoff spot, and ya know win the World Series…..Okay, the first 3 things I said are very realistic, but the last thing is pushing it (as of now). But hey, a man can dream can he?

What really makes me excited for not only the near future of this season and how it plays out, but how the future of this franchise is going to look for years to come. We are such a young ball club that has so much fire power that we can dominate this division and national league for years to come. Now I know this team isn’t going to be the same team with the same players every year because players contracts end, players get traded, players get cut, players retire etc…But all of our core players are all still young and will be Braves for years.

No offense to veterans Freddie Freeman, Brian McCann, Nick Markakis, Josh Donaldson, Julio Teherán, and recently added 2015 AL Cy Young winner Dallas Keuchel, because without them we don’t win most of our games. They’re the leadership of this team and provide guidance to all of these youngsters. However, when you have young players like Ronald Acuna Jr, Ozzie Albies, Austin Riley, Dansby Swanson, Max Fried, and Mike Soroka playing like veterans, then it’s hard not to get excited to see what they will become once they do become veterans. I’m sorry, but can somebody tell me when you’re considered a “veteran” when it comes to playing in the league? Are you a veteran after one year of playing in the big leagues? Two years? 5 plus years? I don’t know, I never got that, but still, whenever they do become veterans, it’s going to be be scary how good this young core can be.

My only hope is I didn’t just jinx this team to the point where they do terrible from here on out and have the whole wild ass city of Atlanta demanding for my head to be put on a spike. I usually kill every team I root for but somethings gotta give at some point where my luck changes for the good, right? Is this where it changes? I sure hope so, because if it doesn’t, I might make way down to the local Super 8 motel, buy a bed bug infested 40 dollar room, go into the bathroom and get inside the red stained bathtub where other gun shot suicides have occurred (I would never blow my brains out with a gun because I’m classier than that), and then hang myself from the shower rod. However, that’s a potential problem for future Madison and his Braves, but we are living in the present bitches, and in this present time my Braves are whipping whole sales ass.

In conclusion, this team is super fun to watch and it tickles me shitless that I actually have a professional sports team that’s really good for a change. The Braves are back baby. Let’s go and chop on!

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